skvtevlldvy:

I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply


startrekspeare:

"what’s a queen without her king?" well, historically, better


(Source: artofoverwhelm)


slayslothesikmo:

turntech-timelady:

LOOK AT THE FUCKING DATE

HES BEEN PLANNING THIS

iT WAS EVEN ON 612

(Source: turntechidiot)


kurovoid:

To the “mysterious” party.


meatbicyclevevo:

meatbicyclevevo:

What’s the definition of a will?

Come on guys it’s a dead giveaway

(Source: meatbicyclevevo)


teacher: you can't bullshit this essay
me (under my breath): if you're an ameteur

queen-of-fallen-angels:

jaxs-the-fallen-angel:

howling-rising-demon:

princess-dickhead:

delzdesigns:

Imagine having 2 dads, and then them divorcing and dating other men. Then you’d have 4 dads.

The amount of dad jokes…

"I’m hungry"
"Hi hungry, I’m dad."
"Hi dad, I’m dad too!"
"Hi dad too, I’m dad three."
"Hi dad three, I’m dad."

What have you done

image


roachpatrol:

spaceexp:

Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.

suck it, photons


bosmitze:

Awesome tips

(Source: hi-fluent)